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Galaxy Run! (Proof of Concept, or Something.)

XAVXAV
edited January 2015 in Workshop
I wasn't actually planning on doing this, but I'm not sure if this game will actually be entertaining, so I need you guys to run through this tiny, tiny chunk I've actually been sure about keeping, and give honest feedback. Brutally honest. Like, if I'm not crying within five seconds of reading your reply, you have not done your job.

Also, when I say 'run' through, I don't mean bull rush past links. There are details and such to be found here, though not as much as I plan on having. In fact, everything you'll see is going to be cranked tenfold in the final product, so keep that in mind.

Thanks!

http://philome.la/HumbleJackson/galaxy-run-taste-test


(Bonus points if you can spot the Incredibly Subtle Commentary.)


PS: Pretty much all of this is exposition, sorry.

Comments

  • EggOverlordEggOverlord
    Your game was awful and unbearable and resulted in trauma, paranoia, and severe exposure symptoms.

    There? Crying yet?

    I'm hoping so, because that means I can get on with the actual honest feedback.

    a) I'm looking forward to more of this. Playing as someone cruelly ripped from their FUNchair sounds like it'll be interesting, especially if they experience the withdrawal symptoms as you play.
    b) It was pretty hilarious. Damn FUN, taking over the universe, enslaving humanity to constant gratification stimulation. Those wretches. The satire was appreciated :P
    c) Yeah it was a bit exposition-y, and if you could work in the details a little more interactively and less *click to read about this, click to return, rinse and repeat* that'd be cool, but what details you did have were FUN :)

    Overall: FUN. Lack of a continuation may result in trauma, headaches, and disgruntled cat-face.


    Main downside? Commentary was too gosh darn subtle. You are advised to watch The Matrix to learn how to counteract this. I need ANAGRAMS HERE. COME ON. (On a serious note, the commentary, however subtle, was pretty entertaining too xD)
  • XAVXAV
    Thanks for the feedback! I'm glad you're looking forward to more, though I have to admit progress is very very slow because of all the branching I want to do, not to mention the fact that I'm making this all up as I go. I plan on spreading out the exposition you mentioned, hopefully striking a balance between Boring and Confusing. I will take your advice on the subtlety under consideration, but I'm not entirely sure I could manage The Matrix's level of pretense-free symbolic nuance. Thanks again!
  • XAVXAV
    Also, for those who don't know, YES, this is real technology: http://www.damninteresting.com/technology-and-the-pursuit-of-happiness/
  • rosencrantzrosencrantz
    Good start! My only thing was that I chose to browse through the wiki extensively when I first ran across it, which meant that I then had to hit "back" a TON to get back to where the story seemed to actually be. Could you put in a "close wiki" link to get back to the story?
  • XAVXAV
    Ooh, that's clever. I didn't think of that. Thanks!
  • dacharya64dacharya64
    This was hilarious. Like not just "Wow look at that clever mockery of the modern corporation through subtle intellectual satire" kind of funny. Actually laugh out loud wonderful.

    Some notes:
    • I did find Tom! Very much looking forward to seeking him out.
    • If you don't (for some reason) enter names into the prompt, it'll say "Welcome to the Lottery Submission System, !" It could stay like this or you could start the variables off as some other string (FirstNameUnknown)?
    • Why am I (or why is the main character) hoping to die from the very beginning? Unless the Galaxy Run is extremely well-known and infamous--but it seems to me that FUNco would want to downplay this part of their company as much as possible? Or is it more like "Oh no I just got disconnected from my happy chair and I'd rather die than face reality for once..."
    • Gotta love those extremely subtle modern day references... IGN and GamerGate, Anti Anti Monopoly laws.... so great.
    • I don't think it was too exposition-heavy (I'd love to see more!) but I like exposition so take that with a grain (or tablespoon) of salt.
    • I 1000% want to see more of this.
    Now go start crying in 5 seconds so I can say I've done my job.  ;D
  • XAVXAV
    Thank you so much! Compliments are exactly what I was fishing for! much appreciated.
    • I'm very much looking forward to writing him. :)
    • Did you mean to state that as a question? If not, I'll look into that.
    • You know enough about the Galaxy Run to know you'll be seperated from your FUNchair for a while.
    • Don't forget the 'Hate Speech' laws. Can't wait till those get enacted.  :-\
    • Good. I honestly don't want to take that beginning section out. Still undecided.
    • Awesome! But I'm not gonna lie, you'll have to wait. I'm making this up as I go along, so there's gonna be a crapload of revision before I even beta test it. Meanwhile you can find more of my humor here: http://straightwhitemale.wordpress.com/ to whet your appetite.
    Thanks again!

    (P.S. Just heard about Inky Path. Sorry, man. Hope you have better luck in your other projects!)
  • SpatkplusTwelveSpatkplusTwelve
    This idea has potential, and I'll definitely play it when it's finished.

    I didn't really like that there was more wiki than actual story. If the information is so important, then put it into the story. This is probably just a personal pet peeve of mine, but I don't like having to click through an encyclopedia to get what's going on. I just want to read the story. I hope that the wiki being more important than the story is just because the game is unfinished.

    I guess that this is because the game hasn't been finished, but I also didn't like how there was so much importance on finding Tom, yet you can't act on what he tells you. Even if it would have lead to the same "Game coming soon!" screen, I would have liked to have the option to try what Tom said to do.
  • dacharya64dacharya64
    [quote]Did you mean to state that as a question? If not, I'll look into that.

    I guess it was more of a note--it's something you can change, but don't have to.

    [quote]I honestly don't want to take that beginning section out.

    Good. Don't. It's brilliant.  :D

    [quote]http://straightwhitemale.wordpress.com/

    With a blog name like that, what could go wrong?  ;D

    Also, thanks for the sentiments on Inky Path, though really, it's alright. Though I did find this on your site--makes me sad that I ever quit!

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  • XAVXAV
    @SpatkplusTwelve Thanks for commenting, and sorry about the late response. Like I said, the whole 'internet' section is still up in the air, as I know most folks don't like to start off with exposition and such, but since the PC starts off interacting with a computer, the idea just seemed to flow naturally from it; besides, this is the last section like that. Probably.

    And sorry if I built up false expectations with the whole 'Tom' thing. This was just a fragment of the beginning, and I was unsure if I was going the right direction or not. I didn't know if folks would play it. Thankfully, that seems to be the case. Thanks again!
  • guy231guy231
    I liked it. I thought the wiki/internet was a pretty engrossing way to split the exposition into bite-sized pieces. I found the message from Tom.
  • derektbderektb
    I'm super into this.

    I wonder if, down the road, you plan on adding some additional CSS styling to differentiate the "plot" sections and the "wiki" sections.  I admit that I read twine games like an assholeI blast through the start page and click the first link that looks like it's going to advance the story.  But I'm totally all about the narrative conceit of a fake wiki, and I'd like to have encountered something visual that says "hey, dummy, this is important, pay attention".  I can envision something as simple as inverting the scheme, like this: http://jsfiddle.net/dm3tvy20/2/

    Plus, if, as it seems, surfing the wiki is a substantive portion of the game's content, I think it would make sense to give "wiki text" its own particular feel.

    Anyway, fun stuff.  Glad to see Tom's still around.  Top 5 for life.
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