Would love to get some feedback on the first beta version of Ms. Lojka: a kind of weird alternate-history-magical-realist short story that I'm working on. There's no save functionality, but it should be playable in just about 10 minutes.
Here's the link: http://jordanmagnuson.s3.amazonaws.com/mslojka/ms_lojka_beta01.html
Any and all feedback is welcome, from technical and readability issues, to feature improvements, to the actual writing.
Thanks in advance to anyone who takes the time!
The writing and the story was creepy--to me. I'm not a big psychological horror fan, and I don't know if I would even put this in that category, but it had that kind of psychological horror feeling to it--for me. Until near the end of course, which I won't spoil.
I liked the art a lot, and the writing, too, even if it often seemed pretty cryptic. I wondered at times about the links I wasn't clicking on--what I was missing, which I guess would encourage another playthrough. And there were no problems or issues that I noticed. So yeah, I dug it.
I was concerned about the typing potentially being too slow / driving people crazy, so that's helpful to know. (I thought about allowing the reader to skip the typing effect by clicking or something, but I feel like that would kind of damage the effect I'm trying to convey).
I used the typed.js module for SugarCube 2, with a bit of tweaking.
Actually, that is the end. I'm still wanting to tweak that part so that the ending is a bit more interesting (and obvious).
I didn't know where the story was going and was puzzled by the ending; it didn't feel to me as though anything had been resolved. There were lots of interesting moments, which I expected to be drawn together into a coherent meaning by the end, but that never happened. Or (more likely) I just wasn't paying close enough attention to understand.
It also wasn't obvious to me what my choices meant for the game's progression, which detracted from any sense of agency. I got the feeling that I really couldn't change anything significant about the story, all I could do was modify the details I saw in essentially arbitrary ways (but I didn't replay to test this idea). None of which is necessarily a bad thing; a sense of inevitability is part of the fun with horror.
I think (for me personally) it could be extremely compelling if the story were a bit more explicit and I felt I might be able to change the outcome. But it may be I'm just not the audience you're looking for.
No, I think the ending (rather than your reading) is to fault for this. I have an idea in my head of what the ending means, but I think it's mostly in my head
No, once again, I think you've made a good point. I have been working on an alternative ending that will hopefully flesh out the meaning a bit more, and also give a sliver of a chance for some agency
I know it's asking a lot, but if any of you who tried the first beta wouldn't mind checking out this new ending (should only take a few minutes) I would be very grateful.
The new version is here:
Just the ending sequence:
I'm planning to enter this into Spring Thing on Friday, so any feedback within the next day or so would be highly appreciated.
Because of some of the things I am doing, the new version of the game needs to be played in a window that is opened by a script.
For now please just use this ugly launch page, rather than the links above:
I am VERY impressed by your work!
Is there any chance that you share some tips (background, slow-typing, sounds): it is so magical !
All my best,
Hopefully that will be somewhat helpful, though I have to admit that there was a lot of hacking involved to get the typing effect working. All the best!
I use Twine 2, so I'll check how to be inspired by your great work :-)
All my best,