Another Twine Poem experiment with form.

ColorfulWar · June 2015

So, here's another formal poetry experiment using Twine. Very different from the last in that instead of diminishing it accrues. I call it a graduated accrual sequence. I like words. What? Anyway, as you complete a stanza, you unlock the next stanza. It's only three stanzas long, so it won't take long. I hope you read it, and I hope it's cool reading it, and I hope you tell me things I could do to make it even cooler for the next person reading it. Keep in mind, I'm very much focusing on the really basic hyperlink + language = awesome dynamic of Twine right now, and don't know how to do anything else with the program. Thanks! Here it is: Protecting Our Way of Life

G_Lascelle · June 2015

I love the writing and the effect of the 'graduated accrual-sequence'.

I think for me, there are a couple of things that might enhance the experience.

First, a slightly larger font-size - at times the text, even though brief is quite dense, and a larger font-size would help me to engage more easily with it.

Second, there is a lot of dense and quite complex, layered imagery, so it might be good to have a way at the end to show all three stanzas in full in the same passage, so the reader can review what they have gradually assimilated, without necessarily having to replay the whole thing.

Still doesn't take away from the quality though

Cheers

GL

Sage · June 2015

Would love to read it. Can't do it in black.

I can send you the CSS for white, if you like... I only bring it up because you said you don't know much tech stuff.

I'm probably being pretentious trying to tell the painter to use brighter colors, though.

Sorry if it came off that way.
#BossyAndControlling

ColorfulWar · June 2015

Not at all! I'm just using default settings for everything. Send me the code, and I'll remix it! Maybe tell me how to embiggen the font, too?

ColorfulWar · June 2015

And thanks for the input, G_L! I was wondering about displaying the whole thing at the end, but didn't want to take away from the effect of the final couplet. I'll arrange a version where the whole poem appears after that, just to see how it works.

Sage · June 2015

Okay so it's REALLY easy.

Just paste the following into your story stylesheet (click in the lower left hand corner and it pops up).
There is one caveat. If you are using SugarCube 2 (please say yes), this is the one you use. If you have SugarCube 1, I deleted that already but I can still find it in the forum for you.

Okay so here goes. Paste the following and you will have something that looks like a book. Which, for me, I love, because I am a writer.

Remove the part that says bookish, and you will be left with bleached. Which is still white, but does not look like a book.

Make sense?

PASTE THE ENTIRE THING BELOW INTO YOUR STYLESHEET.
FROM THERE YOU CAN DELETE OR KEEP THE TOP PART (BOOKISH).

/************************************************************
* BOOKISH                                                   *
************************************************************/
.passage {
	position: relative;
	font: 16px/1.1em Georgia, "Bookman Old Style", serif;
	padding: 5em;
	border-left: 5px solid #7f7664;
	border-top: 1px solid #000000;
	border-bottom: 1px solid #000000;
	border-right: 1px solid #000000;
	box-shadow: 5px 5px 0 0 rgba(127, 118, 100, 0.2);
	color: #000;
	background-color: #f5f4f2;
	text-align: justify;
}
.passage h3 {
	line-height: 2.5em;
	margin-bottom: 2em;
	border-style: solid none;
	border-width: 2px;
	text-align: center;
}
.passage p {
	display: block;
	margin: 0.55em 0;
	text-indent: 4.325em; /* aligns with the indent of leading paragraphs */
}
.passage p.leading {
	text-indent: 0;
}
.passage p.leading::first-letter {
	float: left;
	font-size: 4em;
	padding: 0.300em;
	margin-right: 0.15em;
	border-radius: 5px;
	color: #fff;
	background-color: #000;
}


/***********************************************************************
	BLEACHED - A largely white style for SugarCube (v2.0.0+)
***********************************************************************/
body {
	color: #111;
	background-color: #fff;
}
a {
	color: #35c;
}
a:hover {
	color: #57e;
}
button {
	color: #111;
	background-color: #acf;
	border-color: #8ad;
}
button:hover {
	background-color: #8ad;
	border-color: #68b;
}
button:disabled {
	background-color: #ccc;
	border-color: #aaa;
}
input, select, textarea {
	color: #111;
	border-color: #ccc;
}
input:focus, select:focus, textarea:focus,
input:hover, select:hover, textarea:hover {
	background-color: #eee;
	border-color: #111;
}
hr {
	border-color: #111;
}

.error {
	background-color: #eaa;
	border-left-color: #d77;
}

#ui-bar {
	background-color: #eee;
	border-color: #ccc;
}
#ui-bar-toggle button {
	color: #111;
	border-color: #ccc;
}
#ui-bar-toggle button:hover {
	background-color: #ccc;
	border-color: #111;
}
#menu ul {
	border-color: #ccc;
}
#menu li:not(:first-child) {
	border-top-color: #ccc;
}
#menu li a {
	color: #111;
}
#menu li a:hover {
	background-color: #ccc;
	border-color: #111;
}
#ui-bar footer {
	color: #666;
}
#ui-bar footer a {
	color: #444;
}
#ui-bar footer a:hover {
	color: #111;
}

/* Default dialog styling */
#ui-overlay {
	background-color: #777;
}
#ui-dialog-title {
	background-color: #ccc;
}
#ui-dialog-close {
	background-color: #b44;
	border-color: #a33;
}
#ui-dialog-close:hover {
	background-color: #922;
	border-color: #811;
}
#ui-dialog-body {
	background-color: #fff;
	border-color: #ccc;
}
#ui-dialog-body hr {
	background-color: #ccc;
}

/* List-based dialog styling */
#ui-dialog-body.list li:not(:first-child) {
	border-top-color: #ccc;
}
#ui-dialog-body.list li a {
	color: #111;
}
#ui-dialog-body.list li a:hover {
	background-color: #ccc;
	border-color: #111;
}

/* Saves dialog styling */
#ui-dialog-body.saves > *:not(:first-child),
#ui-dialog-body.saves tr:not(:first-child) {
	border-top-color: #ccc;
}
#ui-dialog-body.saves .empty {
	color: #777;
}

/* Settings dialog styling */
#ui-dialog-body.settings button[id|="setting-control"] {
	color: #111;
	border-color: #ccc;
}
#ui-dialog-body.settings button[id|="setting-control"]:hover {
	background-color: #eee;
	border-color: #111;
}
#ui-dialog-body.settings button[id|="setting-control"].enabled {
	background-color: #9e9;
	border-color: #7c7;
}
#ui-dialog-body.settings button[id|="setting-control"].enabled:hover {
	background-color: #7c7;
	border-color: #5a5;
}

ColorfulWar · June 2015

Ok, Sage, I think I got it. Try it now? Protecting Our Way of Life White Version

Sage · June 2015

First and foremost, THANK YOU for putting it in a way I could relaxingly read it.

There were a couple of coding errors (nothing related to the CSS bleached you added) that you should fix. Other than that I thought the prose was strong and issued up exactly the sorts of images one might expect it to. In that area it excelled.

What I didn't find with this poem (that I did see in the other) is the device offering the same power it did for the dead body one. That could very well be because the other one lent itself better to that format. But with this one it seemed like a thing you tacked on more than something intrinsic to the discovery (the other being a mystery and all).

Why? Perhaps because now when I think I missed something, I wasn't driven to uncover it. Perhaps there was less of a connection. Can't say.

For this poem I could see more of a slow doling out of prose, perhaps, as opposed to an obscuring of prose. In other words, perhaps I will think more during the pauses you place in the story, than I would if there were no pauses. Does that make sense? The way it is now, if I miss something, I feel thrown out of the moment. Whereas with the other I felt a need to solve the mystery.

Gaiman rules here though:

Remember: when people tell you something’s wrong or doesn’t work for them, they are almost always right. When they tell you exactly what they think is wrong and how to fix it, they are almost always wrong.

In summary, I still believe you should pursue a conjoined Twine and Poetry child, and in fact I saw some things over at Sub-Q that I thought you could experiment with.

This came from @AteYourLembas for the submissions on her site, but it seems a dead-ringer for what you are doing.

--Unreliable medium, e.g. Reader hits a contradiction, then scrolls back up to find the previous story has changed
--Style changes
--Text degrades/becomes less readable OR more readable
--Content reflecting theme, e.g. night scenes different style from day, dog’s POV has no color, etc.

These are not things for THIS poem per se... just great ideas that I feel she had.

You can read more here:
https://sub-q.com/about/ideas-and-resources/

I hope this helps.

Sage · June 2015

PS, I also write (and have an Editor's day-job. Let's hope he never finds out.) so I can understand what you mean when you say it sucks to be writing in a vacuum.

Anytime you need a read-through, let me know.

ColorfulWar · June 2015

Great feedback Sage, thanks for the notes. You struck upon exactly one of the worries I had about the form, though I was more afraid people would just get bored having to read the same thing over and over, looking for slight changes. I'll think on how to tighten it up, make it more mysterious, maybe. Thanks again, and appreciate the read-through offer! I'll definitely take you up on it.

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Another Twine Poem experiment with form.

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