Lore: A Tale of a Sword and Those Who Wielded It

TEYV

I have finished my first Twine story, "Lore: A Tale of a Sword and Those Who Wielded it." Inspired by fantasy RPGs and some of their tropes, it's a branching narrative about a peculiar enchanted sword and the people who encounter it.

I didn't want to attempt an epic tale. It's more like a set of little stories that seem as if they could possibly lead up to an epic. And it is not a game, but it does depend on reader choices (and it produces rather delayed consequences of those choices). It has three overall endings and a number of secondary outcomes.

http://if.riddlingpark.com/lore.html

If you do give it a try, thanks very much!

haroldo-ok

Nice story. I like it.

mummblemouth

Good stuff! The vignettes are an effective way to tell a broader story while the reliance on text and authorial intention over multimedia and wreaderly intention works, and the hoverovers, delayed text, using background colors to indicate story breaks, etc I did encounter worked to good affect. I wonder though if more couldn't be done to create some emotional investment in the story as the action, while well written, never really sets the proverbial hook for me. There is good continuity within each vignette and the balance of options to default paths feels appropriate, so that certainly helps keep the reader engaged, but I'd like a little more meat on the bones. I might also consider dropping the role playing language of 'enchanted for damage' and so on in favor of more descriptive language and a reliance on show over tell. Overall though, this is a fine piece of work and an amazing first go.

Could you also provide a map of the branching structure and perhaps address how the text is ordered and navigated (are vignettes at random, part of the branching structure, determined by interaction, etc). I'm also interested in your writing and editorial process if you'd like to comment on that (did you write single threads straight through, work each bifurcation simultaneously, etc? how did you manage the editing process for coherency, quality, and mechanics? what sort of tools or processes do you think could help here?)

Anyhow, thanks for this. I look forward to reading more.

Cheers,
MM

TEYV

haroldo-ok, thank you for reading it. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

mummblemouth, thank you for your thoughtful feedback. I mess with other people's writing for a living, so I'm confident in my technical proficiency, but my creative-writing and storytelling skills are severely underdeveloped. I figured I'd learn by doing.

The story's structure is very simple--all readers go through the same vignettes in their quest to get one of the three overall endings--but my original idea was more ambitious, similar to what you suggest. I was going to make some vignettes exclusive to certain tracks, depending on previous choices. Then reality slapped me in the face as I realized that I was already spending a lot of effort on learning Twine and the coding stuff, not to mention struggling with writer's block.

As for how the story actually turned out, I had three goals:
1) I wanted to strike a balance between a humorous tone that acknowledges RPG tropes with a wink and a serious tone that establishes this particular fantasy world.
2) Early on I came up with an underlying theme that determined how many vignettes the story had to include, as well as what drove each set of characters. I decided not to refer to this theme explicitly in the story, for fear that it would influence how readers made their choices. I hoped it could remain subtle yet still effective.
3) I knew I was taking a risk by avoiding the second-person narrative, and therefore removing the very element that usually engages the reader in IF. Instead I wanted to emphasize the different personalities and backgrounds of those characters who encounter the sword.

Whether I actually reached those goals is questionable! I did write the vignettes in the order in which they appear (handling each thread straight through), so they reflect my changing state of mind over the course of several months. I went back and edited the earlier portions, of course, but there was a point where I simply had to stop. I think the best solution for that problem is for me to pick a smaller project next time!

Thank you again!

mummblemouth

The biggest hurdle for a writer is the coding, and the biggest hurdle for a coder is the writing. Rarely do you find a person who really excels at both (perhaps because they require different kinds of thinking). Then, when you account for the vastness of this particular form, the writer has yet more difficulties facing him or her on the way to telling a good story. Indeed, I too can sympathize with getting slapped around by the reality of learning the medium. I also agree that less is more when it comes to branching stories, and that short projects are best for reader and writer alike. That said, I think one of the things I like about using the vignettes to tell the story is that you can write small pieces and add them to the system as you go. The other option is collaboration (especially between coder and writer), but then you're left with a whole new host of problems to contend with.

As for your goals, I'm not sure the humor came through, though I now see how it was meant to work. I think the problem here is that the world creation was pretty vibrant, but the wink and the nod to RPGs was a little too stark in contrast.

The aim of making the reader's influence subtle but important is a worthy goal, and something I too pursue. I think it works here, though it does occur to me that the aims, length, and style of the longer format likely prevents second and third traversals of the text. Without these multiple traversals, much of this subtle multiplicity is lost on the reader.

Finally, yeah, I say forget second person, it's just too harsh for your normal reader to engage with, and because it contradicts with the reader's actual bodily experience, it continually threatens the imaginative state.

How to revise/edit in this medium is something I keep trying to figure out, especially as the tree grows new shoots, but even more as you move beyond branches and into dynamic text (which, of course, could also be represented as branches). Keeping it simple helps, having the text polished at each point of the process is good (though let's face it, revision and editing are ongoing back and forth processes), and using larger chunks of linear text also simplifies things, but for this you sacrifice granularity. Following the question of revision is the question of what practices would work best in the critique and workshopping of these pieces...

Again, good stuff, and I look forward to seeing more of it.

TEYV

Even though I am an avid game player, for interactive fiction I think my interests will always lie closer to the story side than to the game side. I worry that if I attempt to get closer to the game side, I will merely become bogged down in the details of setting up points, inventory, status, and whatnot, and never actually finish the project.

So that still leaves the challenge of how to engage the reader. I'm not sure yet whether I'll do without the second-person narrative in my next work. I recognize that a large part of the appeal of "Choose Your Own Adventure" is the idea that it's "your adventure," but that limits the author in developing the protagonist's personality, background, worldview, and so on. Often the result is either a blank-slate protagonist or one that alienates and repels the reader. Much to think about (as a certain enchanted sword says in one possible outcome).

Anyway, thank you again for sharing your thoughts. Good luck in your Twine endeavors!