Dark Deeds (My first Twine)

sarge370

This is my first attempt at making an interactive story, it's a mystery set around the end of the middle ages. Hope you all enjoy it and feedback is welcome, like I said this is my first time doing this so it's pretty basic.


http://www.philome.la/sarge370/dark-deeds

feliwebwork

Played the game. Enjoyed it thoroughly! Thanks! I solved the mystery and it was a very rewarding experience.

Perhaps one thing that could make it more challenging is putting some kind of time limit, so that not all the suspects can be interviewed or not all the rooms searched. I don't know... it may require changing it a bit.

Otherwise, I really did enjoy just as it is. Good work!! And I hope you will make more Twines.

sarge370

Thanks! There's a lot more I want to try, there were several things I wanted to do differently but due to my lack of experience with twine, I had to improvise. A time limit would be a really cool addition that I will try to implement it into my next story

feliwebwork

just a quick note... as I am heading out the door...

with "time limit" I don't necessarily mean real "time" as such. Perhaps it can relate to the number of people interviewed or rooms entered.

Just a quick example off the top of my head...

If, in each passage where an interview starts or where you enter a room, you were to put:

(set:$hour to it +1)

Then you can use an (if:) statement to limit what is shown.

So each link to and interview and each link to enter a room could start with:

(if: $hour < 10)[link to interview01]
(if: $hour < 10)[link to interview02]
(if: $hour < 10)[link to interview03]
(elseif: $hour > 9)[link to the final accusation passage]

I hope that makes sense. Like I said it is just off the top of my head without much thought.

And, obviously this is not to say that you HAVE to include this feature or do it this way. Just sharing informally a tip on how a "time" dynamic could make it more challenging.

Sage

@feliwebwork

Dude! You said you were new!! That's a super easy (and therefore cool) way to make a timer. Nice job.

feliwebwork

Sage wrote: »

@feliwebwork

Dude! You said you were new!! That's a super easy (and therefore cool) way to make a timer. Nice job.

lol. I am new! But hey, we learn as we go along!!

Claretta

I make a timer by dividing the story into "days".

You can perform unlimited small actions per day. However, when you take a particular action that is designated as taking a lot of time, the clock advances to the next day and the story progresses accordingly.

Quite similar to systems seen in RPGs that give you time to finish up sidequests, but once you elect to go to the big boss fight, the story advances.

Sharpe

Sarge, this seems to be a great game, but I haven't had the attention span to sit down long enough to play it through.

I think this game screams for basic layout changes and, honestly, images of the suspects. Sure, if you went into novella-length descriptions of each, images wouldn't be so necessary, but this is a quick Web game and keeping players' attention is already tough.

This, along with AvaJarvis' Thimble and Thorn, makes me want to write a murder mystery.

timsamoff

Quite fun. I agree with @Sharpe that a little creative CSS would make the game more engaging. Still the writing was good and the mystery was enjoyable.