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My first game

pointlistdapointlistda
in Workshop
Hey, I found twine a while back and started working on a game that I thought might be fun for my 10 year old son. I'd like to get some feedback etc.. I have gone over it a few times but I think it needs new eyes if you know what I mean.

Go easy on me :)

Thanks

http://www.philome.la/pointlistda/broken-wand

Comments

  • SageSage
    Woo-hoo! I saved the world!!

    It was great, actually. I liked it. One suggestion though, if you ask for my name at the beginning and then always say Sage says this, or Sage says that, I find it throws me out of the story. I would prefer it to be in the format of YOU did this, or YOU did that, and then people in the story can call me Sage.

    Does that make sense?
    Also, if you ask gender then you can skip the He/She

    Other than that, awesome.

    :)
  • guinevakguinevak
    Cute! I can see some spelling and punctuation issues, but that's minor.

    FWIW I think the third person approach is fine, especially for younger audiences.
  • pointlistdapointlistda
    Thanks for checking it out. I did try to keep it third person because I thought it would be better for kids. But who knows. Thanks again for checking it out and letting me know what you thought!
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