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Broken

Here goes nothing!
This is my first game on Twine. Thanks to Sharpe for the format.
The idea is for the player to replay all the branches to figure out what's going on.

http://wrongtarget.com/brokentwine/

Comments

  • Can't seem to find the actual game for the life of me. It says click the title to play, but I'm not seeing anything clickable.
  • Hey! Sorry, was experimenting with a different theme for my blog last night and it messed up.  :-[

    Can you try again?
  • First some praise. The narrative is pretty good. It looks like there are plenty of endings, which I like. Also every choice feels meaningful, from the clock at the beginning to the locked drawers. The conversation at the table is done really well.

    A few bits of hopefully constructive criticism though. There are quite a few spelling errors. Nothing bad, just the kind of stuff you get from not proofreading. Sometimes branches end without warning; some say 'End of Branch' but some just stop abruptly without that warning, which left me a bit confused.

    I'm a design gal, so a few thoughts from a design standpoint, too (and this really all comes down to taste). Sharpe's Terminal stylesheet is great, but I'm not sure the look matches the feelings you're trying to evoke. On the other hand, the separate frame with relevant pictures is really working. I like the music, but it comes on kind of strong and doesn't loop, so you have this moment of 'oh shit, sound' followed by dead silence after a minute or so. I also like the idea of each character having a different colored dialog. After breakfast I knew who was speaking without even having to look, which is awesome.

    All in all a great first attempt.
  • Thanks for taking the time to give me such a great feedback :)

    I'll go through all the text again to fix the spelling errors. 
    I'll also play a little bit the Sharpe's stylesheet so it matches better with the story. I admit that I rushed with form because I wanted to get a working game done. A mistake in the big picture of the project, of course.
  • Oh, one question.
    When you say the music come on kind of strong, you mean as in the general tone of the song or the way it starts?
  • They way it starts. I'll be kind of longwinded here, but let me lay some game theory mixed with opinion down for a second to explain.

    There are many different mediums for games. Something like a fullscreen PC game or a console game can get away with pretty much anything they want in the multimedia department because, well, the user is fully engaged. Twine uses a web browser as a medium, which means that in general, people are going to be multi-tasking while playing your game. It's nothing you can help. There are too many other things competing with your attention span on the internet. Chat, and 5 other tabs open at the minimum.

    So when a tab is opened and starts playing music without my prompt (like pressing 'play' on an intro screen), my thought personally was, 'Where is that coming from?' When I took a break to watch a video a friend linked me, there was no way to mute it. When I wanted to hear it, it didn't loop.

    I'm not saying that all these things have to be considered for a first foray into Twine. Hell I haven't even released a playable Twine game yet, so take this with a grain of salt. I'm merely coming at this from my own experience with it.

    I feel like I should reiterate though, I really liked it. I'd play another if you made it.
  • CoraBlue is braver than I. I couldn't figure out where the link was either, but wasn't brave enough to admit it. XD

    I'd suggest doing something to make the title stand out.

    I'm very glad you got some use out of it, but I also agree that Dumb Terminal really doesn't fit your genre in my opinion. Since contemporary life isn't my thing, I'm not sure what I'd use.

    If you'd like to just stick with your blog's appearance, I whipped up a similar stylesheet real fast. I gave it a shadow because I thought it needed one, but you'll see the two places (under .passage and .StoryRegion) where to take it out if you wanna.

    As for the <hr> tags, they should be avoided. I made a class for you to use instead. Instead of typing "<hr>", type "<p class="one"></p>". Yes, it's longer, but as far as I know, it's the "right way" to make horizontal rules.

    Now, it's close to your blog's appearance, but I didn't take an hour tweaking it. ;)

    To use it, delete the old stylesheet, copy and paste in the new one, and copy and paste in the gray_sand imported image passage as well.


    Haven't played the game too much, but I'm really glad to see some good "agency," the use of choices that matter to the game (or, choices at all). I have basically no interest in anything created with Twine if it doesn't feel like a "game" that I'm "playing" rather than a "story" that I'm clicking through to read the next paragraph.

    In my one play-through, I didn't find a way into any locked door or the username or password to the computer. I'll be happy to play until I do. :)

    All-in-all, good job! I'll withhold my rating until I take more time to play it. :)

    I'd suggest uploading it to IFDB and making sure to add the tag, "Twine," and making Twine the devlopment system. So often, people add Twine games with "custom" development system and no Twine tag, damning their game to never be played.


    PS: I didn't know there was music because my speakers are muted, but I would have wanted the option to mute it. Going back, it seems fit for a Victorian romance, which this is not.
  • Hey Sharpe,

    Thank you for taking the time to test it, and even more, to work on a stylesheet for it :)
    That's awfully nice of you.
    I share your mindset about agency with Twine games. I usually have little interest where it's just a linear experience.
    I will add functionality to pause the music per the feedback you guys have given me.

    One question about the file you shared with me though. It's just the exported .html file. Should I open it with an editor, look for the stylesheet code and copy it from it?
    Thanks!
  • Damn it! I compressed the wrong file. I meant to compress the TWS. Sorry.  ::)

    However, you can just open a new game, and click on File, Import, Compiled HTML to open the HTML file in Twine.

    Attached is the TWS, though, since sometimes the HTML import can be wonky.
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