Lightyear.

chromebookbob

I have started writing Lightyear. A game set in space, about loss, loneliness and deep field telescopes.
I would really like some feedback on my early progress. Thanks

I have now finished the game, published below:


http://chromebookbob.itch.io/lightyear

tedc

Nice technojargon in the computer interface. Even though you used a lot of kinds of text formatting, it felt reasonably understated, not excessive.

The discovery that the photo needs to be turned over to find the note seems too obvious. It doesn't seem plausible the hero would only now be discovering the writing on the back. Also, I don't think there's enough explanation for why he's being told the coordinates in a cryptic way, instead of being given the coordinates directly (no less inexplicable than the similar communication in Interstellar, but that's another story).

chromebookbob

Thanks for the feedback, I did think the way you found the first coordinate was a bit weak. Maybe you should be able to see them but the email explains what they are for. Or maybe the Email gives you a date and time? I would welcome any ideas.

rosencrantz

This is definitely a good start! The repeated waking up and going through routine motions reminded me of some other excellent IF that of course escapes me right now. But there's something appealing about that structure.

Are you going to do more with the manual? I kept expecting that to be something more. Maybe that could play into the coordinate-finding?

I'm also curious about character backstory, but I always am. Why am I in this space capsule, and why was my father there (before leaving mysteriously)? Why is there no communication from earth?

Please keep going! I'll keep reading.

chromebookbob

Good feedback, that's exactly the intrigue I wanted to generate. I will post an update fairly soon.  Thanks!

chromebookbob

I have fully released my game, Pay what you want on itch.io:
http://chromebookbob.itch.io/lightyear