"Endsville" - WIP

Jinx

Hello everyone! I figured I'd share my work-in-progress with everyone here, and maybe get a bit of feedback!

Now what I have here is a text-adventure roleplaying game. Relatively simple, it's mostly reading, clicking a choice and reading the reaction. I haven't got much but I have big plans for this game, including having a celebrity tweet about it, and another, Maxwell Atoms, influencing the game itself (because he's created the show itself.)

I've always loved the Grim Adventures, and I was greatly saddened to see it end, and even more so when a popular infamous webcomic damaged the reputation of this show beyond repair. So I figured, "Hey! Let's make this popular again."

So birthed my idea, Endsville. Set in a spooky town named Endsville, in Cartoon Network's own universe. It'll have a bit of everything like in the show, but in a more mature setting. Monsters, blood, zombies, inappropriate humor, references, the works. And it'll be extremely friendly to the original content, as it will feature many references to past episodes and movies alike.

Art from my friend will also be included! It's currently a big project of mine and I'm always working on it.

Here is a very incomplete version - Tell me what you think.

>>>>> http://grims-magical-trunk-studios.neocities.org/ <<<<<


Future plans: Background art, sidebar art, a custom font maybe? More music, MP3 files instead of YouTube links, and much much more story content, enough to fill a small book.

Sharpe

Looks like a good start.

Here's a thread about my general opinion of what makes a good Twine game: Agency: The Key to Making Fun, Immersive, Non-Linear Interactive Twine Games

Jinx

Sharpe wrote:

Looks like a good start.

Here's a thread about my general opinion of what makes a good Twine game: Agency: The Key to Making Fun, Immersive, Non-Linear Interactive Twine Games

Way ahead of you.

While the beginning doesn't seem like much, later on when you have an actual balance, or some (un)morality, things get different. You'll be presented with opportunities to spend money or keep it, and the morality system I have? It'll really impact the story.

I'm looking for suggestions, tips and advice though. Anything? Maybe TheMadExile could help out with teaching me how to include a background for my game or something. Or a different font.

EDIT: Posted a request for assistance for the above in "Help".

Sharpe

Jinx wrote:

I'm looking for suggestions, tips and advice though. Anything?

Like I say, I realize the game is in early stages. So, I really don't have much to say other than keep at it and keep the concept of agency at the forefront throughout the process.

Honestly though, it's not my type of game. I couldn't get into it. However, that's not an insult! We all like different things. Normally, I don't bother to comment on games that aren't my style, but I saw that you are trying to make an actual game rather than just a flash fiction, so that alone is enough for me to offer encouragement at least.

Well, on second thought, I admit I really dislike "You wake up to an alarm clock. Get up or hit snooze" beginnings. I'd say at least one in five Twine games start that way that I've played. For the life of me, I cannot figure out why it is so prevalent among Twine authors. It's far from a great way to start a game, in my opinion.

There are beginnings to games that are overused. In Twine, "alarm clock, get up/snooze" is the #1 most overused, in my opinion. In all of Interactive Fiction as a whole, I'd say total amnesia is takes the #1 spot.

My suggestion would be to just skip straight to the dressing segment after a brief description of waking up and getting out of bed. I know; I'm wasting both our times even bothering to type that, but there it is, my one suggestion.

mostly useless

Note to self: write game where amnesiac PC repeatedly chooses between getting up and snoozing, forgetting which he chose before, trapped in an infinite loop while the world passes him by. Dedicate said game to Sharpe.

Sharpe

I can't wait to play it! ;D

loopernow

Heh heh.

Total amnesia seems to be a very well-used genre in a lot of storytelling mediums, for some reason...

Hey Jinx, I enjoyed the game pretty well. Has a nice feel to it. I like the background picture!

There are some grammar/diction issues going on that detract from the flow of things a little bit. I guess practice will have to take care of that. Despite the grammar issues, I like your writing style; you've got an attitude to your writing; I enjoyed that.

There are some things about the description of the main character that I don't like: whether male or female, the protagonist/player sounds rather idealized (light skinned, long hair, handsome/beautiful, a teenager whose face is "free of any blemishes"--and yet you're "average in almost every aspect"? Make up your mind; which is it? Awesome-looking, or average? I also think the "your skin is light" description can be off-putting if the real player doesn't identify with that description. And the description of the girl's chest seems rather...fan-servicey or something. Not that fan-service is bad, I just think if that's your intent, make it more...funny or obvious or something. If it's not your intent, I'd recommend to take it out as pointless.

I agree with Sharpe that the "turn off my alarm or just lay there" choice can be a bit useless. I don't think it's completely impossible to make that scenario an okay intro...but I agree that it should be streamlined.

I enjoyed the scenario of choosing which clothes to wear, and the crazy/silly/mean neighbors.

Small suggestion re: the Morality stat. Please explain somewhere right away what a certain percentage of Morality means. I'm at 50% Morality. Does that mean half of the time I'm selfish and half of the time a hero?

Keep it up! I look forward to the rest of the game.