Hey, I found twine a while back and started working on a game that I thought might be fun for my 10 year old son. I'd like to get some feedback etc.. I have gone over it a few times but I think it needs new eyes if you know what I mean.
Go easy on me
Thanks
http://www.philome.la/pointlistda/broken-wand
Comments
It was great, actually. I liked it. One suggestion though, if you ask for my name at the beginning and then always say Sage says this, or Sage says that, I find it throws me out of the story. I would prefer it to be in the format of YOU did this, or YOU did that, and then people in the story can call me Sage.
Does that make sense?
Also, if you ask gender then you can skip the He/She
Other than that, awesome.
FWIW I think the third person approach is fine, especially for younger audiences.